Transformers: Dark of the Moon movie review

Michael Bay is somewhat of an enigma in Hollywood. Loathed by critics yet adored by audiences, his brand of high octane filmmaking is so distinctive; it has even spawned the phrase “Bay-hem”. Transformers: Dark of the Moon is his latest instalment into the Transformers franchise and in short if you liked his earlier work, then this is a must see. If, however, you possess a fully functioning mind, this may be one to miss.

We re-join our hero Sam Witwicky (Shia Lebeouf) several years after Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Now he is a recent graduate struggling to find work in the current economic climate. Unfortunately, Megan Fox’s character has left him (sad emoticon with a Hitler moustache) but fortunately, he has now hooked up with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s character Carly. Sam not only struggles to find work but is jealous of the lavish gifts Carly receives from her boss. Surely the man who saved the world deserves better? Not to worry, soon enough the Decepticons are back causing “Bay-hem” and Sam is back in the thick of it.

They say money cannot buy happiness and in most cases this may be true. In Michael Bay’s case, however, it can buy you skin thick enough to not only survive the critical backlash he has received since Bad Boys, but to embrace it. The previous Transformer films may have been action heavy, but they fail to match Dark of the Moon’s 60 minute final battle. Megan Fox may have been little more than eye candy but Bay has now replaced her with a Victoria’s Secret model with lips like a burst sausage. It seems that Transformers: Dark of the Moon reveals Michael Bay for what he is: A Porn director.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon is aimed squarely at males from their teenage years to their Viagra years and Bay delivers an ogle-fest to top all ogle-fests. The plot is flimsy and contradicts the previous instalments but this is a Michael Bay film and the plot serves as pretence to a furious orgy of violence, explosions, beautiful cars and more beautiful women. Huntington-Whiteley was given her role despite lacking any previous acting experience and, it may be argued, she still lacks any real acting experience after this film. Even in moments of mortal danger or emotional distress, she resembles a robot with botoxed eye-lids. Not too good for the silver screen but fantastic for the computer screens of teenage boys worldwide.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley after a hard day at the office.

Like most of Michael Bay’s repertoire, Transformers has been reliant on the development of CGI. As technology has progressed so has Bay’s appetite for destruction. However, since Avatar brought 3D back from a red and blue eyed grave, no film has managed to look better than a series of cardboard cut-outs. One reason for this may be an infatuation with adding depth by blurring background images to mimic human eyesight. Rather than blurring background images to create this illusion like Thor 3D, Transformers: Dark of the Moon keeps the background in focus and uses the 3D to enhance details in close-up instead. This means the audience can take in the whole spectacle rather than being prohibited to one or two characters in the foreground. 3D cynics will be weeping behind their glasses as Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a timely reminder of what 3D cinema can be in future.

What Transformers: Dark of the Moon may become, is the archetypal Michael Bay film. In the past Pearl Harbour has been cited as a prime example for Bay’s critics to use. This is the Optimus Prime of examples(pun alert).Transformers has taken the “Bay-hem” and cranked it to eleven. Pearl Harbour’s grasp on history was flimsy at best, but Transformers: Dark of the Moon not only uses the lunar space landings as a pretext for discovering a lost Transformer (conveniently not mentioned in the previous films), but also attributes the Chernobyl disaster to a Decepticon plot. This, however, pales in comparison to the crimes against equality which, for some unbeknownst reason, Bay has become exempt.

To say Transformers is misogynistic is like calling the Suffragettes disgruntled housewives. In a film where it is impossible to count the number of robot characters, it seems incredible that there are only three female ones. One is Huntington-Whiteley as the eye candy – Carly; second is Julie White as the embarrassing mother Judy Witwicky and thirdly is the super-talented Frances Mcdormand as Agent Mearing: The jobs-worth commander, who means well, but her reliance on protocol hinders the heroic men trying to save the world. The culture of sex-ploitation cinema from the 60’s may have died but Transformers is evidence of Hollywood still promoting a degraded view of women. More worrying though, is the acceptance of the mainstream audience.

There is clearly a market for Transformers, but this is a 12a rated film, marketed for children who love Transformers. In reality, Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a film made for people who used to be children which loved Transformers. This will be one of the biggest films in 2011. It will make millions worldwide and Michael Bay will continue to be the king of destruction. Keeping 60 minutes of action scenes cohesive is a ridiculous achievement. There will always be a market for low intelligence, explosive blockbusters but such macho cinema needn’t come at the expense of women.

Scores 1 out of 5

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At best, Transformers: Dark of the Moon is an ogle-fest for the lads. At worst, it is a corrupting influence which, most trusting parents will have shown their children before it is too late.